So my sister and I had a conversation once about skipping. I told her that I was watching a movie and the kids were skipping and they looked so happy. So, I figured that the key to happinness is skipping. Now when kids skip, it looks fun. When adults skip, not so much. If you have any kind of weight on you, the noise alone should stop you in your tracks from this fun loving sport of children. Things slap, crackle & pop like no one's business. And I didn't use the word "snap" on purpose. It's not a snap noise, it's a slap noise. I've heard it. It's not pretty. We decided that skipping was NOT the answer to our happiness. We'll leave it to the kids. Oh, by the way, teenagers don't do well with skipping either. I saw a teenager in front of the Greece Olympia High School that was skipping down the sidewalk and I felt bad for him. At first I thought he was a special needs student and then realized that he was just frolicky. Poor thing is never going to find a girlfriend. Not if he keeps skipping like that. Drats, I was so hoping to find a new exercise!

So then I was in the Walmart parking lot sitting in my truck with the air conditioner on because I have poison ivy or poison oak or some other creepy crawlie fungus that is invading my body and I didn't want to get out of my truck. I watched a man with his young son come out of Walmart. The kid had to be around 3 or 4 and was wearing a cape over his shorts and t-shirt. A bright red cape that resembled the one from the movie "The Incredibles". Now, this kid was not just wearing this cape, he was "sporting" this cape. He was all that with a bag of chips. He kept flinging it over his shoulder and he had his dad by the hand and kept jumping up to try to fly. His dad did not help him with this feat and I was going to get out of my truck and skip over to help him fly but didn't want to scare them. Now I'm wondering if happiness is in the wearing of capes? Think of the wonderful super heroes we could be. Of course, half the time, I'd be called a "Stupor hero". But I could have fun. Anyone care to join me? I could wear a cape, shove my wine glass in between my lips and skip down my sister's sidewalk in her neighborhood and actually fit right in!!

Okay, on to the poison ivy. I owe my son a huge apology for all the years that this child has endured poison ivy. I always tried to help him with it but couldn't understand the agony that he went through because I have never had poison ivy before. I have always just figured that I was not allergic to it. I've spent enough time outdoors that I should have been exposed before but nothing ever happened. So I was mowing the lawn at the barn and I use a huge Ransome lawn tractor that was purchased from Spencerport Schools. I have to mow under a bunch of trees and just ram the front end of the tractor under the branches. I saw the vines. I looked at the vines. I wondered what those vines were doing in that tree. Maybe the wine glass in between my lips has caused brain damage. I drove into it anyways and never thought twice about it. And then I went home and took a nap on top of my bed. Later that night, my scalp itched so bad I thought someone had dumped itching powder on my head. And then---I got in the shower. I think this also helped in running that wonderful oil all over my body. I am covered from head to toe. I have been itching in places that you shouldn't scratch yourself. Whether you're a kid or a grownup. I finally went to the doctor and got put on steroids with a side of cortizone shot. So, now I'm a maniac with so much energy that I think I could probably take up skipping and not even care about the noise!! In my cape!! With a wineglass stuck between my lips! Are we getting the picture here? So my apologies to my kid for telling him for years not to scratch himself and suck up and deal with it. Apparently, I am not winning the parent of the year award once again. But if I did ever win it, I would wear a cape. And skip. And shove a wine glass in between my lips. And I think I would add a tierra. But only if my son was there so I could horrify him. It's what I live for.

Okay, so here's my opinion on some news stories that I think are interesting. Did you read about the amish guy in the buffalo area that led the police on a high trot chase for 3 miles and they couldn't catch him? Huh? He drove his horse and buggy into a field and abandoned it. They caught him at a farmhouse and arrested him. They were unsure if he had obtained a lawyer yet. They ticketed him with reckless endangerment, overdriving animals (again, Huh?) and obstructing governmental administration"wait, what?". I wonder if they checked to make sure his signals were working. How can you not catch a horse and buggy when you are in police cars? "This is the New York State Police, Pull over!!" "He's not pulling over sir, what should we do?" "I don't know, this guy is really moving!! Our cruisers are up to 25 mph. At this speed we have to be careful not to crash!!" ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!! And what did he do in the first place to warrant being pulled over? Was he wearing purple instead of blue? Who knows, the article doesn't mention that.

So the funeral home in South Carolina admits that they cut the legs off a 6 foot 7 inch man because he didn't fit in the coffin. This apparently happened in 2004 and the wife of this man had heard rumors about this and had the body exhumed to make sure and guess what? The legs were cut off between the calf and the ankle and put back in the coffin. Now, I understand that this may be an uncomfortable conversation between the funeral home and the widow. "Ah, ma'am. We have a rather large problem. It seems that your husband is too tall for the coffin. I realize that this is a very sad time for you but we have to discuss the options. What we could do is either fold your husband in half or see if we can cross his legs. Or maybe we could cut holes in the coffin and have his feet stick out or maybe we could just saw the legs off. It's not like he's going to use them again anyways!!" Well, Mr. Dumb Funeral home director, how about telling the wife the problem and then asking her if she would like to have a custom made coffin to fit the man in or here's the other obvious solution, have him cremated. Problem solved. What a terrible thing for this family to have to deal with. But didn't anyone at the funeral notice that Jim shrank?

Okay, wagon teamster Bob is getting ready to get back on the road. He retired the remaining 2 horses that were plowed into with a pair of Belgians from Hunt, NY and his wagon is almost ready and he's thinking of taking off again in a couple of weeks. Check out his site at www.wagonteamster.com

Over Memorial Day weekend, we decided to whip this together to help bombproof the horses.

Five minutes later, Taylor disarmed the bomb.

Making it safe for his peeps.




Any questions?